Wednesday, 29 January 2014

F**king with your friends (not literally)

How long have you known your oldest friend? More than half your life? Since school? Is someone you've met recently already considered your best friend? Does it matter?

Probably not.

Whoever they are, whatever era they're from, and however long you've known them, our friends are probably one of the most important strongholds in our lives.

So this one's for you guys! All the friends out there, and, lets be honest, my largest reading audience! What constitutes a best friend? Well, anyone who sticks through this blog for a start but I digress...

Thinking about how much I owe the people I know, I mean really, really OWE them,... it's quite daunting. This counts all the times I've hurt their feelings, all the petty, shallow and naive ways in which I've acted around them, it puts my hackles up. Especially considering that, for some of my friends, this includes the pathetic behaviour of my childhood and teenage years. But this is my perception on myself.

I suppose I'm just wondering how much indecent treatment a friend is meant to put up with, and does it matter?

One of my closest friends keeps apologising for acting a certain way on a night out (respect of alcohol of course, the old fiend), or how much she might unload on me about her worries. I keep telling her it's more than ok, safe in the knowledge that I, myself, are guilty of such and more.

Not to say that it's ok to be a bitch (talking about me, not my friend), but I can't help thinking about how it can actually be a positive reaction to your friendship. To use and abuse them, to show them too much, expect too much from them, unload, offload, implode. Everything that would test a fledging attachment.... could be exactly the thing that brings your companionship to a new level.

Every wart you show allows that person to know your face even more.

With my friend, I feel I can make mistakes, because that's what humans do don't forget, and it won't matter. I can be a little rude to her, which is always unintentional, but it won't matter, because she already knows this. She knows me. She knows that, whatever silly thing I do, or screw I loosen, I'm a good person and there is much, MUCH more to me than this one, stand alone act. And this obviously applies vice versa.

Of course, don't go unloading your bags of shit all in one go. Anyone who is a nice person wouldn't really anyway, goes without saying. But what I mean is, those friends of yours who can take it when you fuck up, especially with them, are the ones who can see the bigger picture and can grasp at the beauty of your portrait beyond it all. Yeh, poetic.

Don't be afraid or over-apologetic about your mistakes. Admit you made them, but rest easy knowing that your good friends probably understand you a lot more than you think they do, and won't hold things against you.

Buddies of this calibre don't appear over night, and they are few and far between. Some happen instinctually, some take a bit of work. Some are created over time, when you've known them long enough to eradicate the notion of time altogether. Whatever the weather, keep them close. Make sure you facebook them occasionally.

I guess, to all my friends out there. I love you. Thanks for putting up with me, and also letting me put up with you!


Monday, 6 January 2014

New Years. Inspiring or just tiring?


Hope you had a good Christmas, holiday, New Year, chocolate, fat sesh, all that shebang.

So what's the plan now?

Does there have to be a plan?

New Years is perceived as this wonderful opportunity to start afresh. Reinvigorate your enthusiasm for life, or your life, as it were. Be more active, eat better, do a Facebook Friend clear out, blah blah blah..

Whilst there is nothing quite like the arrangement of a few thousand year old lunisolar calendar to help create the (excuse) jump you need, even at the ripe old age of almost-26, I already see it as just another day in the prolonged stretch of time that is your life. If you were going to better yourself, you should have done it yesterday, last month.

Or, you can start sorting things out perfectly well in the next couple of weeks.

I guess what I'm trying to question is, why is there so much pressure to change? Now? Just because society says it's a good time? Sometimes we do need a sort of 'mental jig' to help set things in motion. But on the other side of that is the pressure of expectations we can set for ourselves, only to give up or forget half way down the line.

Chill guys. Just chill.

January isn't your only opportunity to start the big to-do list. As with anything, generally you should rely on your own steam to set the ball of change in motion, at anytime of the year. New Year, new you? No, new moment, new you. There is no rush, and there is no absolute deadline.

New year, in it's self, is slightly depressing anyway. As well as a different number written on the top of your text books and letters, it also hints at you being another year older. One year less to do the things in life you want to do. No one needs that as a reminder! And you certainly shouldn't use it to rush into things or force a false expectation on yourself. You're only going to line yourself up for bigger disappointment or frustrations.

If you're naturally highly motivated as an individual, then setting goals works for you. If, like me, you struggle to raise the enthusiasm, then know that doing things in your own time is NOT A PROBLEM. Know yourself and your own capabilities, work with that, not with the yearly sales.

So this post is a bit of a downer! Sorry...

At the moment, I'm in some difficulty with my personal life, and constantly feel the strain of still having to grow up, still needing to get a career, make more money, move out, find someone, find something. It's kind of like having the ultimate New Years Resolution list, only you've been working on these particular goals for the past few years now. A recurring problem not uncommon amongst my peers.

I hope you can appreciate just how frustrating that makes things, and hence my tarnished perception on goal-making. Why sweat the small stuff when the larger side of life is still one big treadmill set on gradient 15!

However, and there's always a however, I understand that there is something wonderfully necessary about having a 'fresh start'. The New Year is universal code for the world to shake off old burdens and move on, benefiting all those involved.

Just don't stress yourself out trying to fix everything at once. Opportunities will still be there...

... as will the washing up, unfortunately!