Do you ever just go through your old memory boxes or files, and find things like old poems or stories you wrote? Is it ever the case that these were quite good and you wonder where all that talent has gone? Haha....
Well, I've discovered a little written passage I created whilst at uni. It seems to be the start of a story, or novel in this case, staring an elusive female-Sherlock-Holmes-type character....see what you think!
"To anyone who has a mind to notice, this scene would have been enough to enquire some curiosity from their mundane thoughts and everyday routine. An elderly woman, standing in the middle of a public walkway, was staring intently at a house across from her, completely motionless, with a hint of irritation exposed on her fine features.
Her clothes stood out the most. A long black coat, thick enough for a good winter, with a carefully arranged silk red scarf around her neck, tucked in. Her black gloves were of the finest suede, and she wore a black hat, the rim of which was extended enough to shelter her face if needed, whilst remaining practical. She seems to be in her fifties, but exudes a strength and youth that belies her age. Certainly the simple black cane she poised in front of her was not needed, merely decoration, or perhaps, purely sentimental, who would know, certainly not them.
This is what someone would see if they were to notice. However, at this point in time, no one was around.
She stood there, looking at the house in question, her elongated brows slightly risen. No greeting, no person waiting, except for her. She was not used to being unexpected, and this situation called for immediate action.
Mrs S strode up to the large, black front door of the aristocratic town house, and rapped sharply three times with the back of her hand. She heard the sound echo off into what could only be lavish, open halls and dining rooms. Still, no response.
Here was a proud woman, who did not like to be mistaken for anything, especially the place and time of an important meet. She had better things to do, and this was not one of them. Again, she raised her hand and knocked three times, slightly louder, though not aggressively, a lady of her standing never lost control."
....DUN, dun, duuuuuun. Who knows what's to come next, eh.
Copyright moi (not that I'm going to get anything off this but I yet live in hope!)
How long have you known your oldest friend? More than half your life? Since school? Is someone you've met recently already considered your best friend? Does it matter?
Probably not.
Whoever they are, whatever era they're from, and however long you've known them, our friends are probably one of the most important strongholds in our lives.
So this one's for you guys! All the friends out there, and, lets be honest, my largest reading audience! What constitutes a best friend? Well, anyone who sticks through this blog for a start but I digress...
Thinking about how much I owe the people I know, I mean really, really OWE them,... it's quite daunting. This counts all the times I've hurt their feelings, all the petty, shallow and naive ways in which I've acted around them, it puts my hackles up. Especially considering that, for some of my friends, this includes the pathetic behaviour of my childhood and teenage years. But this is my perception on myself.
I suppose I'm just wondering how much indecent treatment a friend is meant to put up with, and does it matter?
One of my closest friends keeps apologising for acting a certain way on a night out (respect of alcohol of course, the old fiend), or how much she might unload on me about her worries. I keep telling her it's more than ok, safe in the knowledge that I, myself, are guilty of such and more.
Not to say that it's ok to be a bitch (talking about me, not my friend), but I can't help thinking about how it can actually be a positive reaction to your friendship. To use and abuse them, to show them too much, expect too much from them, unload, offload, implode. Everything that would test a fledging attachment.... could be exactly the thing that brings your companionship to a new level.
Every wart you show allows that person to know your face even more.
With my friend, I feel I can make mistakes, because that's what humans do don't forget, and it won't matter. I can be a little rude to her, which is always unintentional, but it won't matter, because she already knows this. She knows me. She knows that, whatever silly thing I do, or screw I loosen, I'm a good person and there is much, MUCH more to me than this one, stand alone act. And this obviously applies vice versa.
Of course, don't go unloading your bags of shit all in one go. Anyone who is a nice person wouldn't really anyway, goes without saying. But what I mean is, those friends of yours who can take it when you fuck up, especially with them, are the ones who can see the bigger picture and can grasp at the beauty of your portrait beyond it all. Yeh, poetic.
Don't be afraid or over-apologetic about your mistakes. Admit you made them, but rest easy knowing that your good friends probably understand you a lot more than you think they do, and won't hold things against you.
Buddies of this calibre don't appear over night, and they are few and far between. Some happen instinctually, some take a bit of work. Some are created over time, when you've known them long enough to eradicate the notion of time altogether. Whatever the weather, keep them close. Make sure you facebook them occasionally.
I guess, to all my friends out there. I love you. Thanks for putting up with me, and also letting me put up with you!
Hope you had a good Christmas, holiday, New Year, chocolate, fat sesh, all that shebang.
So what's the plan now?
Does there have to be a plan?
New Years is perceived as this wonderful opportunity to start afresh. Reinvigorate your enthusiasm for life, or your life, as it were. Be more active, eat better, do a Facebook Friend clear out, blah blah blah..
Whilst there is nothing quite like the arrangement of a few thousand year old lunisolar calendar to help create the (excuse) jump you need, even at the ripe old age of almost-26, I already see it as just another day in the prolonged stretch of time that is your life. If you were going to better yourself, you should have done it yesterday, last month.
Or, you can start sorting things out perfectly well in the next couple of weeks.
I guess what I'm trying to question is, why is there so much pressure to change? Now? Just because society says it's a good time? Sometimes we do need a sort of 'mental jig' to help set things in motion. But on the other side of that is the pressure of expectations we can set for ourselves, only to give up or forget half way down the line.
Chill guys. Just chill.
January isn't your only opportunity to start the big to-do list. As with anything, generally you should rely on your own steam to set the ball of change in motion, at anytime of the year. New Year, new you? No, new moment, new you. There is no rush, and there is no absolute deadline.
New year, in it's self, is slightly depressing anyway. As well as a different number written on the top of your text books and letters, it also hints at you being another year older. One year less to do the things in life you want to do. No one needs that as a reminder! And you certainly shouldn't use it to rush into things or force a false expectation on yourself. You're only going to line yourself up for bigger disappointment or frustrations.
If you're naturally highly motivated as an individual, then setting goals works for you. If, like me, you struggle to raise the enthusiasm, then know that doing things in your own time is NOT A PROBLEM. Know yourself and your own capabilities, work with that, not with the yearly sales.
So this post is a bit of a downer! Sorry...
At the moment, I'm in some difficulty with my personal life, and constantly feel the strain of still having to grow up, still needing to get a career, make more money, move out, find someone, find something. It's kind of like having the ultimate New Years Resolution list, only you've been working on these particular goals for the past few years now. A recurring problem not uncommon amongst my peers.
I hope you can appreciate just how frustrating that makes things, and hence my tarnished perception on goal-making. Why sweat the small stuff when the larger side of life is still one big treadmill set on gradient 15!
However, and there's always a however, I understand that there is something wonderfully necessary about having a 'fresh start'. The New Year is universal code for the world to shake off old burdens and move on, benefiting all those involved.
Just don't stress yourself out trying to fix everything at once. Opportunities will still be there...
Don't you just love Autumn/Winter? The golden colours, the sparkling frost in the mornings, ......the long nights, freezing cold, bad skin, too many layers on outdoors, the inevitable 10 minute strip indoors, and the general run-down effect it puts on you. 'Seasonal affective disorder' (when applied to winter) is a genuine thing.
Sluggishness, spots, dark circles and chill blains are a bad combo. So I say, SCREW YOU winter blues! Here is my How-To routine and guide to deal with it:
Gym or not to gym?
Ok, there's no denying that exercise is probably best. You stay healthy, keep your metabolism up, and also, a few of those endorphins circulating your system can't do much harm. However! welll....pfff, you know what? No one will blame you in using every excuse under the sun. It's too dark, it's too cold, I have a cold, my feet are too cold. F**k it. It's winter, winter is tough on your body, there is no shame in giving it a good old rest, or an extended rest in my case. Go home and stay cosy!
Get some wine, maybe mull it.
WINE, yes. If you're prone to a tipple, grab a bottle on your way home from tirelessly avoiding the gym, preferably red. If you have time, indulge yourself with some sugar, fruit and spices and make some mulled wine. This is by far another plus of the season and well worth your while. If you don't drink, here's a little family secret; try some 'Hot Tosh'. This, my friends, is heated up orange squash (squash, not juice). Take a seat by the fire/ plug in heater, lovely jubbly.
Face mask and skin care
So your face is looking a little tired, a few blemishes are coming through from the extreme temperature changes and multiple layers, like scarves and coats, gathering dirt and bacteria on the skin. I'm no expert, but I do work at LUSH, so I suppose I can suggest a few skin care faves.
One big suggestion for treating your skin right in winter is a nice face mask. It's all about giving yourself the me-time you deserve. Put on a mask for ten to fifteen minutes just before you run yourself a bath (seen below). Lush has a wonderful range of fresh, preservative-free face masks, hence why they are kept on ice. They have released a new one for xmas, called Rudolph, which I reckon is good for any skin type. I'm not just saying this cause I work there, I genuinely think it's great. It's packed full of everything to sort out winter skin. Cucumber and aloe vera for soothing, tea tree and witch hazel for sorting out the spots, tofu and oatmeal for moisturising and nourishing, also a bit of lavender in there.
Other products that I reckon you should look for is anything with Vitamin C in, apparently BodyShop have a great range. I also like the Eau Roma toner water, a wonderfully simple and gentle cleanser addition and alternative. Always, always use a moisturiser, but make sure it's right for your skin. Too heavy and it can cause spots, too light and it might dry it out. I have quite tolerant skin, but like a light cover, and absolutely love the brand Simple.
BATH
Oh, you're a shower person? WHAT. No. Make an exception, just this once. Light a candle, take the Hot Tosh in with you, a cheap magazine or put the radio on. You need to carry on with the me-time theme and nothing warms you up quicker than a tub full of hot, hot water.
Preferably add lots of bubbles! There are lots of smellies in Lush, but to keep it simple, I like the new Christmas Penguin. It's a warm bergamot/ olive oil smell, looks like a dude, and just break it up under the tap to make the bubbles! Combine this with a Lush Dreamtime bath melt to really help your body skin out. It's just a solid lump of cocoa butter mixed with relaxing essential oils such as lavender and sandalwood. This just melts in the water, and settles into your skin, keeping it moisturised.
Hot water bottle and fluffy slippers
It's cold, especially after your bath, get dressed quick. Bring out the wooly pyjamas, sort out a hottie-bottie and sneak under the covers. If you have to leave them, always, always have a pair of fluffy slippers at hand. I wouldn't say no to a pair of long-johns either. Laugh all you want, they really add a layer of cosy, and you can get a decent, cheap selection at somewhere like Matalan.
Pop a movie on!
A good, easy, silly one would be best, like Iron Man 3, or any Disney. Or, just because it's nearly Christmas, it's got to be Elf. Just got to be. You should be rested, happy, warm and relaxed, ready for the next day.
We recommend this routine to be repeated once a week, MINIMUM. Thanks.
Ahhh, the elusive Dating Game. So many rules, regulations, cautions, advisories, action plans, scripts and more. It's a wonder any romance is actually involved. God forbid you show a realistic side of yourself, christ. (Excuse the religious profanities).
You may have guessed that dating doesn't impress me much. It's more of a stress than an eye opener. And, sorry, this isn't classy, but I spend more time worrying about how much I'm spending than anything else! Think about it. If you arrange to meet someone minimum once a week, and you spend a minimum of £20 each time (which isn't much apparently), that's around £80 odd a month!!! on someone you don't really know and may not end up having a connection with!! - ok, yep, I'm taking all the romance out now for sure. Sorry.
Dating is not for broke people. Period.
Man.... I'm rambling about money now?
** DISCLAIMER ** I am most definitely NOT one to give dating advice (could you tell?)!
However there is an aspect to it that I, personally, find incredibly frustrating. You are given one, perhaps two dates, before you're socially expected to make a decision on someone. Sure, it shouldn't take too long to feel that 'special something', and see if you get along, but with every experience I've had, I've felt a certain pressure to label it, or even action it (if you know what I meeeeeaaaannn). Two dates in and we're Seeing each other?! Two dates in and I'm your Girlfriend? Two dates in and you're surprised I'm not available to watch a movie at yours which is inevitably going to 'last all night'?
Come on. You're essentially a stranger! I DON'T KNOW YOU YET.
And this is where I reckon that terming something as a 'Date' is dangerous. It implies interest, it implies a pre-existing situation of romance. Excluding existing friendships and other such circumstances, most cases of first dates come from improve, spur-of-the-moment encounters of brief attraction and confidence. Dates are supposed to be opportunities to 'test the water', figure the other person out, to ask whether we really feel that attraction after all. It just feels like sometimes, saying you're going a Date, is presuming that you're already committed in some way.
Why can't they be called "Meets"? What about that then, eh? Meets.
A Meet is a Meet. you're meeting someone. Just that. You meet someone twice, if you like each other, then Date. All presumptions are lost.
I know, I know. I'm clearly making a mountain out of a mole hill. It just gets on my wick sometimes. But I'm an anti-social so-and-so. I'm one of those folks that doesn't open up that easily, I over think everything, and I can't help thinking practically, with the optimism and hazy naivety of never having felt emotions take control.
I just don't see what all the rush is about sometimes. But that's me.
People are complex bastards. I think this, a friend of mine says she can 'go with the flow' and consider themselves a couple within a few times of seeing them. Who's to say? I can't read myself sometimes, let alone the person sitting opposite me.
And then, the headaches start...
Someone said that I probably just want something that happens 'organically", meaning, a situation that falls into itself. I find someone I like without realising it, and get to know them without realising it, then one thing leads to another...... A much more 'organic' approach than the stuffy label of Dating.
If it ever happens like this to you, don't think about it, don't call it a Date, just GO WITH IT.
We've all probably considered travelling at some point, or have been productive and lucky enough to have gone already. The whole concept of travelling has evolved into more of an adjective than a verb. What does it mean to "go travelling"? Why do people need to do it? Why don't they do it? Would you become a better person if you do? That's the hope of most people, I guess. At least it would be my way of looking at it.
It's all about gaining a solid concept of the planet you live on, and more importantly, who you share it with. Practically speaking, a way of learning to cope and handle yourself in potentially difficult or strange scenarios. To come out the other end......well, .....yep, a better person.
But I don't have enough money to travel atm so this isn't really a post about the endless possibilities of going beyond The Front Door.
I'm in love with travellers, the people who brave it, and especially the documentaries they keep. From the day to day mundane, to the thoughtful analysis of self contemplation.
I was recently lent a book, called "Jupiter's Travels", which is a biographical telling of a man's travels over EVERYWHERE, on nothing but his clunky Triumph (motorbike), during the late 70's. This man is Ted Simon (see above pic), who also worked as a journalist for the Sunday Telegraph, but whilst on his journey, kept it personal, and honest. His writing was comforting to read, but also self indulgent, as we all are inside our own minds. He questions and observes, and makes us feel a little less lonely, showing us that we all ponder on the same things deep down.
Apparently Ted has worked on campaigns focusing on encouraging fellow travellers to provide accurate and non politically inclined accounts of what they see and experience, much like what he achieved with his writing. It's this focus that feels inspiring, and right. It leads me onto other, more current said-travellers, and their chosen methods of documentation, which I enjoy.
For example, a daily vlogger, Louis Cole aka FunForLouis (above), who has been travelling with, and without, his family since being a youngun'. The most amazing part of it is, he is constantly working on new charitable projects, if his "draw my life" video is anything to go by. He is one of those free wheeling-slightly mad-loving-caring-take each moment as it comes-take nothing for granted type of people. One of those lifestyles that you wish you could emulate, but know you'd never have the balls to completely take on.
After only having watched his videos recently, I know I haven't got the whole picture. He currently hasn't done much travelling, and you're mostly just exposed to edits of his 'morning' coffee and 5am social hours. However, I love how open these are. It's simple, but every second is precious. He's not wasting anything, and each moment is worth recording. I find it a very brave thing to do to publicly display your life, right down to the minute details, much like how much Ted Simon displayed of his inner thought process.
I admire these people. And I enjoy travelling and living life through their eyes. This includes the tourists from far and wide, who come into my work, or my friends, recounting their experiences over wine. Fyi, the first picture is one my old uni house mate, Ben Manwaring, took whilst he was in Africa. Amazing isn't it. To be fair, he is a photographer, .....but still. This last picture is one my friend, Camilla Gilbey, took whilst in India, the colours man, the colours...
For some reason, and I have no idea why, I find it relaxing. Maybe it's because they've gone through the effort of braving the world, whilst you only have to sit back, listen, and appreciate what they've learnt, without the lesson. Maybe because it's something that's genuinely interesting, and all the more captivating because of the mouth it's coming from, as a first-hand rendition, alive and raw.
I only hope that I will get the opportunity to become a 'better person' some day.
You're sitting across the floor from someone taking centre stage in the conversation, most likely during Freshers Week or a mate's house party. They are drastically explaining about some moment or other in their lives where they had done something border-line risque, and border-line 'everyone else has done this'. They sum up by saying they have no regrets, and this is where I'd like to stop the conversation.
I'm sorry, but everyone has regrets. Big time. Everyone.
It's life. The complex monstrosity of emotional twists and turns, happenstance, fate or coincidence. If 'life' were an open book, then heck, things would be a lot less messy! But that's not the point, I suppose.
Small actions and moments that we come across, take us by surprise, whether they are good, or bad, and the ability to deal with these situations is probably reliant on this little thing called experience. Wisdom is age, people. But you don't gain wisdom without making mistakes, I don't think anyway. Some people never learn, but that feeling, 'regret', it's strong, and it's miserable, and it lasts.
So whilst the person sitting across from you is proudly exclaiming otherwise, I really don't think you can get rid of regret so easily. This is natural though, it's necessary. It's what allows us to take the right path when that same conundrum presents itself to us later on in life. It's what sculpts us into the beings we are now, and will keep changing us as we go through new things. To feel proud of our mishaps is somewhat unnatural, you are only telling people they should make the same mistakes, therefore encouraging a cycle of actions that will struggle to end.
That negative feeling is what helps us empathise and sympathise. We should be proud of THIS ability, not the cause and effect to get us there.
As oddly vague, benign and subtly depressing as this post is, please let me explain. I recently let myself miss out on an opportunity. Again, vague, but you don't need to know the details. Suffice to say, I probably said the wrong things, or didn't say enough, and am now left feeling like an idiot for not knowing a good thing if it slaps me in the face. Ergo, regret.
In this case, it's no biggy, just a shame. I'm left thinking of ways I could possibly rectify the situation, which is a frustrating past time, if any of you know the feeling.
But I have learnt. Next time will be better. Sort this out, if I can. If I can't, move on.
